In a marriage, couples are tied together in a ritual that declared them as unity. It is the last stage of the coming together relational model development by Knapp. In a marriage, there are certain rules and norms that have to be maintained in order for the marriage to last forever. They include honesty, openness, share, fidelity, care, love, sense of responsibility, and many others.
When we talk about fidelity, many public figures are reported to have extramarital affairs. Those who are engaged in affairs ranges from various sectors, such as, entertainment, sports and politics. Infidelity can cause conflict in a marriage. The conflict can be resolved in either positive or negative way. From the positive side, the one who are cheated choose to forgive his/her partner. Hence, they remain as husband and wife, and move on with their life. On the other hand, conflict can leads to further coming apart stages in the Knapp’s model which are differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding and terminating. In the worse situation, these stages lead divorce.
There are numerous names that emerge when we talk about sex scandals that involve public figures. In the politics, there are the former US president Bill Clinton; Franklin Delano Roosevelt; Dwight. D Eisenhower; John.F. Kennedy, former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, former governor of New York David Paterson, Larry Craig, John Edward and many others. In the entertainment sector, there are Mick Jagger, etc. In the sport field, there are England footballer John Terry, heavy-weight boxing champion Mike Tyson, NBA player Kobe Bryant, MLB player Alex Rodriguez and many others.
The most recent extramarital affair involves the well-known world class golfer Tiger Woods. It is reported that he has cheated his wife. After a long waiting since November 2009, Woods finally appeared in the public. On February 20, 2010, Woods has made his apologize for his affairs. Since the day he was caught with his affairs, his wife Elin Nordegren has not made any public appearance together with woods to show her support. Similarly, on the day of the press conference, Nordegren remains silent and did not make any public appearance.
From the public eyes, we see that the Knapp’s coming apart stages apply to Woods condition. They either differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding or terminating each other. It happens because of the affair that causes conflict. If the conflict is resolved in a functional way, it can strengthen their relationship. On the other hand, break of the relationship can also happen. However, what happens domestically remains closed to the public.
What do you think about extramarital affair? What effect will it bring to a couple’s relationship? Is it most likely that they will experience conflict and ended at Knapp’s terminating stage which is divorce? Or is it most likely that they can remain in the interpersonal relationship?
Marriage is an instution. Extramarital affair can caused tension between copule, however, people learn to compromise. How far can cheated spouse compromise , I think it depends on ones principles and needs. Old days, Spouses(wifes) chose to forgive and forget, or even worse chose not to know , because of dependabitlity .. will every extramarital affair leads to divorce ? I said no , especially if " sorry and regrets" come in the forms of 10k of flawless diamond, mansions, jewelry, vacations, designers clothing, best cars.. and luxury.. :):)
ReplyDeleteGrace
Extramarital affair already has its own terms, not faithfull/cheating. the effect bring to the marriage life is only one " no more trust".
ReplyDeleteMost likely the termination on the conflict is "Divorce". Modern day say yeah! my fortune finally I'm millionare after divorce.
old day say, I forgive you,, we stayed with the marriage life, live happily ever after.....nini
It really depends on each person. Sometimes people have to sacrifice for family and just learn to move on with it. Infidelity can go both ways as well, why not? As long as you get something out of from the marriage people can work things out. Forgive and forget.
ReplyDeleteI guess it depends on your partner. Generally this won't be acceptable and would ruin the relationship. Again that depends on how far the affair went. But some partner may like polygamy relationship. This obviously didnot go well with Tiger Woods and his Buddy Clinton.
ReplyDeleteExtramarital affair can cause long term effect to relationship such as distrustful and paranoid. Many extramarital affair ends up in separation or divorce . However, some couple manage to get through by resolving the situation and actual cause of the affair thru the help of the expert such as Marriage Counceling.
ReplyDeleteAffair , affair , affair .. sounds very "wrong". Sometimes, We have to find out why our sgnificant other is having an affair ? What is wrong with him/her or what is wrong with me? Some partner decides to take a walk and never want to know the caused of it as they think Affair is living proof of there is no love left or even more respect .. So divorce is the answer ..... Sad but it is true
ReplyDeleteStereotype , Every 2 out of 3 men cheat or we should see every 3 out of 3 men tempted to cheat..:):) Grass is always greener on the other side.. :). Cheater partner will make " affair" sounded as necessity in order to keep the marriage last longer or " spice up " the relationship...what caused affairs ? desire of sexual needs, comfort,searching for something that they think is missing. When cheated spouse finds out the affair from the cheater spouse , some spouse will try to turn it around and make it as if the affair was caused by the betrayed spouse which could be very dangerous. The quilt trip is a popular act of cheater who wants to shift the blame. But we all have a choice , and Cheating is a choice. Somewhere , somehow , the " vow" was forgotten, and this case , most likely divorce is an answer. And again, Some betrayed spouse chooses to stay in a marriage and do take the blame of the affair of their spouse for whatever reason they might have, such as , afraid to be alone or dependability...
ReplyDeleteI will forget and forgive the affair faster if my spouse's sorry and regret come in the form of $ 4 millions yacht, mansion in capri, bank account in swiss.. It is ok Honey , I understand why you had the affair , it is not you , is the other woman has no shame...:):) we will not divorce ... I love you...:):):)
ReplyDelete:):) love Madison's comment.. I will do the same thing , after all , it is easier to be happy with yacht and vacation then divorce with old convertible car and 1950's old house ...:):)Divorce doesnot have to be the only answer on extramarital affair... :):):)
ReplyDeleteExtramarital affair can cause range of emotions , from livid to don't care..especially if the other man/woman that spouse is having affair with is younger, hotter, cuter and all. The cheated spouse will feel betrayed and becoming distrustful, anger , resentment or even sexual abstinence. In this case, the help of the expert is required if both partners are still trying to work things out , otherwise, Let's the attorneys talk to each other .. :):)
ReplyDeleteDon't sign pre-nup if you are marrying rich person :):):) Heart can be broken , but keeping head straight is a must... :):):)Affair is a big no no no in marriage , sexual affair or emotion affair don't make any different. Cheating is being disrespect to the partner ... May be , one day .. there is an invention how to prevent sexual affair by buying " lock " in the market :):):) .. It is easier in preparing EXIT DOOR for emotion affair and it is more forgivable and doesn't cost too much in feeling or material..:):)anyhow , not all affair ends up with divorce , some people make it through ....how ? only they know..
ReplyDeleteWhy did you do that to me ? asked the wife .
ReplyDeleteI am sorry honey , I didnot mean to hurt you . said the husband .
But why ? sobbed the wife ..We have 2 beautiful daughters together. Ain't you happy?
I only need someone to talk to .. said the man... I love you , It meant nothing. It is only one nightstand ... and again say the husband ...
Why can't you talk to me ? said the wife.
"I am sorry honey ",said the husband, but you are always busy with your work and kids, kids. There are no excitement into our lives and we are arguing .. said the husband.
Now, It becomes my fault for you to have affair . I have to work because you don't bring in enough money, I have to take of our 2 daughters because you are not helping.. " furious wife started screaming...
** Case example as above shows caused of the affairs and how the cheater is trying to justify teh affair . It could be only emotion affair at the beginning , but it tails to sexual affair...**
Will this couple make it through,yes or no . They might for the sake of the kids or they might not , because one of them wants to get out ...
When couple say " I do" , they are not thinking of having an affair tomorrow. They are committed to each other , being honest, respect and loyal. So why people are having an affair ? Reasons and excuses can be a lot.. however, does it always end up with divorce ? probably not.. Marriage can be survived by identifying and addressing the cause of an affair or even make the couple stronger. Working with expert can lead the couple relationship to a far more fulfiliing and satisfying relationship and divorce can be avoided . Of course it has to come from both partners willingness to forgive and forget...
ReplyDeleteRita
Often, people whose partners are having an affair chose to close their eyes thinking by ignoring it will go away. By ignoring the issue , basically giving the opportunity to the partner to have " exciting little secret ", but by acknowledging the affair and causes cannot be determined or addressed , divorce can be the solution...
ReplyDeleteAnastasia
emmm, i feel guys involving in extramarital affairs is understandable=)coz guys are easy to get attracted by sexy and good looking ladies. the affair will surely lead to conflicts within family. conflicts may destroy a family or strengthen a relationship by influencing the husband. but is the husband keeps having other affairs, i don't see any point for the wife to put up with such terribly disgusting guy!!!
ReplyDelete